Extracts from – ‘Forgiveness And Positive Living ‘
By Ton Pascal
"Forgiveness is the key that can unshackle us from a past that will not rest in the grave of things over and done with. As long as our minds are captive to the memory of having been wronged, they are not free to wish for reconciliation with the one who wronged us." Lewis B. Smedes.
Forgiveness is a positive energy that spreads much quicker than I thought. Each time we witness an act of forgiveness, we marvel at its power to heal, to break a seemingly unending cycle of pain.
Forgiveness is something we don't fully understand, or we associate forgiveness with weakness. Some view forgiveness, as an almost saintly quality that blesses only the very special and most certainly cannot be learned. In fact, the opposite is true. Forgiveness is a sign of strength.
Forgiving doesn't change what has passed, neither does it justify or make it all right. It allows you to focus on your life from a pain free emotional state. The past no longer makes you cringe, cry or swear.
Forgiveness simply helps you to let go of that negative baggage and makes a place for all the positive things you wish to have. I know a lot of people who after a lover's break up or a friend's betrayal have vowed, "I will never let anyone hurt me like that again."
It is quite justifiable, it is your survival instinct, a protective shield taking over, but be careful that this shield will also prevent you from connecting with new people and eventually making new friends.
This is negative living, and most people are not even aware of it. Forgiveness is letting go of that negative emotional baggage and starting on a new path stronger than before. It is very difficult, I know, to accept the fact that someone you loved and trusted who has betrayed and stabbed you in the back, deserves your forgiveness.
When I lost a best friend of 25 years to what I thought was petty gossip, I was devastated and questioned the sincerity of her friendship all those years. After forgiving her I can now look back and laugh at the good moments we had together. Sincerity is no longer a question, my love for her is the same, but I no longer need to see, speak or interact with her. Our roads just took different directions, that's all.
Make an assessment of the people in your life, and the ones who are gone. What are your feelings about them? Is there someone you feel "I dislike (or hate) that SOB" either for personal reasons or because of malicious gossip? Or is there someone you distanced from and in your book is unforgivable?
You are carrying some heavy negative emotional baggage. Get rid of it AS SOON AS POSSIBLE if you want the good energy of positive living to reach you.
An important, well-documented and proven factor is that your anger, hurt and pain not only will affect the way you communicate with others, but eventually will exclude you from social contact. Your self worth is constantly being questioned and if you don't take action, it will eventually break down.
"Forgiveness allows one to overcome a situation that would otherwise be a major source of stress, both mentally and neurobiological. Forgiveness is thought to dramatically change the individual's biological
"Forgiveness allows one to overcome a situation that would otherwise be a major source of stress, both mentally and neurobiological. Forgiveness is thought to dramatically change the individual's biological homeostatic equilibrium. He will assess the neurobiological response associated with forgiveness and unforgiving-ness." Study of the Brain Functional Correlates of Forgiveness in Humans -Pietro Pietrini, M.D., Ph.D., Pisa - Italy.
Forgiveness benefits both, but you the most, because you left the negative baggage behind. You are now ready to receive the positive force, energy, love, wealth and success the universe has in store for you. The other person doesn't even need to know, it is irrelevant. Neither do you have to bring that person into your life or closer circle any more.
What matters is your thoughts and therefore your actions. If it is clean, clear, and positive, so will your life, your friends, and your future. "Forgiveness is both a decision and a real change in emotional experience. That change in emotion is related to better mental and physical health." Everett L. Worthington, Jr., Ph.D. Executive Director, A Campaign For Forgiveness Research.
From a decade-old grudge against the third-grade bully to deep-seated rage against a cheating spouse, millions of Americans harbor long-term grievances. Dr. Carl Thoresen, a professor at Stanford University, and his colleague, Dr. Fred Luskin, are exploring whether the unresolved anger that blights many people's lives can be alleviated with the help of an age-old concept: forgiveness.
Together, the pair launched a comprehensive research project: The Stanford Forgiveness Study. Thoresen and Luskin hope the impact of their work will be preventative as well as therapeutic. "It's our hope that family and school violence, including shootings, road rage, gang violence and workplace conflict will be diminished - if not avoided - if more people understand the role that forgiveness can play in interpersonal relations," says Thoresen.
"It takes courage and commitment to act in a more forgiving fashion. It's not at all a sign of weakness but a mark of strength." Dr. Carl Thoresen is a professor of Education, Psychology and Psychiatry at Stanford University. Dr. Fred Luskin is a research associate at the Stanford Center for Research in Disease Prevention.
Have a great journey.
